“My best friend’s life now seems to revolve around weed. He smokes every day, from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. He’s told me he wants to stop but he finds it too hard and our friendship has started to be affected. He’s becoming more and more paranoid and gets angry really quickly. We’re hanging out less than we used to because he’s off smoking weed, and when he’s not, he’s too tired to hang out. What can I do to help him?”
Although some people who smoke cannabis have few problems with the drug, there are others who have major issues. As a result, their lives as well as the lives of those around them can be significantly affected. When a young person is smoking as regularly as your friend (i.e., all day, every day) it usually, although not always, means they’re not using the drug for ‘fun’. Something else is happening in their life and they’re smoking to ‘block out’ feelings or ‘self-medicating’, believing that cannabis will help them in some way. Using any drug in this way can be a real problem, particularly for a young person.
Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to stop someone doing something they want to do unless they make the decision themselves. The good news is that your friend has told you he wants to stop smoking. That said, he may have the best of intentions but wanting to quit and actually doing it are two very different things. Most people need a reason to motivate them to stop and this is where you can make a real difference.
Find a good time to let him know why you’re worried about his cannabis use and how it’s affecting you and your friendship. This needs to be done in a caring and non-judgmental way and, most importantly, it needs to be planned carefully. Tell him about your concerns and make this as specific as possible, being sure to focus on how his behaviour has affected you. Don’t talk about how anyone else feels, just you … e.g., “I really miss the time we used to spend together” or “When you were stoned you became very paranoid and angry. Sometimes I feel scared when you get angry.”
Make sure you tell him why you value his friendship. His cannabis use is only one part of his life so remind him of all the other things that make him such a good friend. Quitting is not going to be easy so let him know you’ll be there to help as much as you can. Although it can be extremely difficult, don’t accuse or argue. You say your friend can get angry when he’s stoned – if you think that he may lash out or his behaviour starts to become threatening in any way, stop the conversation immediately and leave.
Always remember that you’re not responsible for your friend’s behaviour. As much as you may want someone to change, it’s ultimately up to the individual to make decisions that will affect their life and you can’t do that for them.
Sadly, the reality is that as much as you may want your friend to quit, it may never happen – no matter what you do. This can be really difficult for some young people – losing a friendship or having someone you care about pull away can be very distressing. If that’s the case, make sure you talk to someone about what’s happening and how it’s affecting you. It’d be best if it was a responsible adult or a trained professional but if that’s a bit daunting, just talk to another friend about what you’re going through. It’s tough worrying about a friend but ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ and can make all the difference.
First published: September 2013
Updated: November 2024
